Posing Practice

Yesterday, I booked a posing session with a WBFF figure pro.  It was a rough day and I was too hungry and tired to really be nervous.  I met her in the upstairs of a gym in Oshkosh, and my first impression was that besides being tall and super muscly, she was a business-like take-charge kind of girl.  

I'll do whatever you say, just don't hurt me!

Side note: It is incredibly difficult to take yourself seriously when you're strutting around in a mirrored room with five inch stilettos... I giggled uncontrollably almost the whole time.  This maturity thing is really working out well for me.

We walked downstairs into a (thankfully for my self-consiousness) empty room.  She had me put on my shoes and walk back and forth, and back and forth.  And back.  And forth.  Walky walk walk.

Basically, when you're walking for bikini, or other divisions I'm assuming, you sort of want to pretend you're pushing a shopping cart.  Ass out, chest out.  That shit is not natural.  In fact, one way to know you're doing it right is if you're lower back hurts.  Perfect.

I was very happy when she told me I have a great walk (thank you Woodman's!) and we didn't have to spend too much time on it.  We did practice having a little more bounce in the step so I don't look like a hooker zombie... apparently it's not what the judges are going for these days.

Onto posing.  I've practiced a little, but just one front pose and one back.  She approved both poses, gave me one more front pose, and then we got to the horrible stuff I didn't think about.  Transitions.  I don't really want to talk about it, but it involves a lot of pivoting, coordination, and I almost fell.  So there.  It sucked.  

She also gave me a rundown of what actually happens during the show.  During pre-judging (which is the first of two "shows" in the day where your placing is determined), me and a million other girls will line up on the side of the stage, and one by one we will be called by our number (like intelligent cattle) and we will walk to the center back of the stage, pivot, strike a front pose, hold it for a few seconds and try to not fall down.  Then you walk directly toward the judges, hit a front pose at the top of the stage, pivot to the back, back pose, pivot to the front, front pose, wave, walk off, and run to the warm embrace of the bottle of Hendrick's gin I'll have waiting in my gym bag.

She took a video of me, and while I am not going to post that because... it's bad.... I will post some stills.

I was super, super surprised at how bad all my poses looked.  I can get them really good in front of a mirror, but when I'm walking and stopping and trying to hit them quick, they are terrible man.  

Ooooook.  Stomach needs to be in... like a lot more.  haha.  Weight should be more in my left leg with that hip popped out.  Right foot should be pointed more out.  Hips should be pointed more to the left.  Wipe the goofy look off my face.  

My calves are repping for all the runners out there... what what.

In other exciting news... abs.  I have had morning abs for awhile, but last night for the first time... I had the elusive unicorn known as "night abs".  I was... shocked.

This posing stuff is not something I had even really thought about before, but the more I read, the more I realize it is absolutely essential.  A girl (or guy) could have the best bod up there and come in last if they are not presenting it well.  And I am really, really pushing for second last.

Three Weeks Out

Hey-o.

After my boring "listen-to-all-my-feeeelingssss" post, let's get back to the regular boring "look-at-my-macros-and-shitty-selfies" posts.  Mmmkay?

Highlights of the Week

The last few weeks have seen some drops in body fat and some gains in the gym.  Not gonna lie, I've had mornings where I've felt pretty good about where things are.  And mornings where I feel like a bloated sea cow for no apparent reason.

• Finished suit, mostly.
  
  
   So this was actually a pretty involved process.  I got a plain suit with strings still attached plus some hip connectors from a friend.  I picked up a few packages of those iron-on Swarovski cyrstals from the craft store, and went to town.
  

  

  I'll put one here... and one here....

  
  
  
  
  
  

  

  I feel pretty... oh so pretty..

  
  

  

  Done-ski.  (I have no idea why it looks blue, it's really teal.)

  
  
  
  
• Went to posing clinic - ...and... it  sucked.  Seriously.  Left early.  I felt like the bikini instruction was added on as an afterthought so there was a whole lot of standing around watching the physique guys strike bodybuilder poses they are never going to use.  It was uncomfortable, frustrating, and vaguely homo-erotic, all the muscle slapping and whatnot.  The good thing about the class was that I realized I have a lot of work to do, so there has been a lot of clickity clackity of stripper heels on laminate floors around here this week.  

Front Pose that needs some work

 
• Finalized Peak Week Plan - So during "peak week", which is the week before the contest, competitiors use different strategies to "come in" looking a certain way.  Generally it's a combination of carbohydrate, sodium, and water manipulation with the goal of removing the water from under your skin and also pumping some glycogen into your muscles so you look full and lean on stage.  Really not as critical for bikini as other divisions, but it still applies.  

So, ten calories per pound is right where I'll be at that time (I'm just a hair over that now).  This isn't a super dramatic plan - basically I'm just water loading for eight days, and cutting and subsequently carb-loading near the end.  If there's one dietary thing I can do, it's carb-loading (thank you marathons). 

Bod Progress: C

I'm talking like average C here, not like I have a 4.0 GPA and a C is really an F.  Just a straight up C.  Good days and bad days.  Lost a bit more poundage but I've been stuck hovering for quite awhile.  I can see new lines and stuff so that's cool, but it's so day by day.  

It's seriously very hard to tell if I'm making progress, so I really just have to trust the process.  That I made up.  With very little knowledge and zero experience.  If that's not a recipe for success I don't know what is.  


Mental Check-In:  B

This has been pretty back and forth too, as discussed in far too much detail in my last post... I am looking forward and enjoying the process and working through the doubts.  

Training: C

I should be doing more cardio.  I should be doing more cardio.  I should be doing more cardio.

Super killing it in the weight room though.  Really, really enjoying my lifts and surprised and how much strength I'm maintaining.   Been rocking a Shoulders/Legs/Chest and Back split six days a week with arms and abs thrown in when I have time.  

Diet: C

My diet was lovely and perfect... until it wasn't.  I had a little mental breakdown... empty house, full cabinets, super depleted body.  What could have been a disastrous derailment ended up being an unscheduled "cheat meal" that included some treats I shouldn't have had, but nothing too horrific.  Woke up feeling a millions times better the next day, and all that glycogen went straight to the guns apparently:

Diet is getting  a little old, although I'm getting super awesome at prep.  Here's a look at a super typical day:

Breakfast

Chicken Breast (cooked), no skin, roasted, 6 ounces ⊗

206

0

5

39

Extra Virgin Olive Oil, 0.17 tbsp ⊗

20

0

2

0

Asparagus, fresh, 13 spear, medium (5-1/4" to 7" long) ⊗

48

9

0

5

BREAKFAST TOTALS:

274

9

7

43

Lunch

Onions, raw, 0.25 cup, chopped ⊗

15

3

0

0

Yellow Peppers (bell peppers), 4 strips ⊗

6

1

0

0

Egg Beaters Southwestern, 0.33 cup ⊗

40

1

0

7

Egg White--All Whites 100% liquid egg whites, 0.33 cup ⊗

40

1

0

8

LUNCH TOTALS:

100

7

0

15

Dinner

Extra Virgin Olive Oil, 0.17 tbsp ⊗

20

0

2

0

Broccoli, fresh, 1 cup, chopped ⊗

25

5

0

3

Cauliflower, raw, 1 cup ⊗

25

5

0

2

No Name Salmon Filet, 1 serving ⊗

270

2

19

25

DINNER TOTALS:

340

12

22

30

Snack

Optimum Nutrition 100% Whey Protein - Vanilla Ice Cream, 1 serving ⊗

120

3

1

24

SNACK TOTALS:

120

3

1

24

Running Fuel

None

RUNNING FUEL TOTALS:

0

0

0

0

Second Lunch

Cheese - Dean's Small Curd Cottage Cheese 1%, 0.5 cup ⊗

90

5

2

13

Quest Bar - Chocolate Brownie (1 bar), 1 serving ⊗

170

24

6

20

SECOND LUNCH TOTALS:

260

29

8

33

Ignore the goofy category names... this was while I was logging my meals for running training purposes.

I think that's all for me... have a lovely evening!

Breakfast

Chicken Breast (cooked), no skin, roasted, 6 ounces ⊗

206

0

5

39

Extra Virgin Olive Oil, 0.17 tbsp ⊗

20

0

2

0

Asparagus, fresh, 13 spear, medium (5-1/4" to 7" long) ⊗

48

9

0

5

BREAKFAST TOTALS:

274

9

7

43

Lunch

Onions, raw, 0.25 cup, chopped ⊗

15

3

0

0

Yellow Peppers (bell peppers), 4 strips ⊗

6

1

0

0

Egg Beaters Southwestern, 0.33 cup ⊗

40

1

0

7

Egg White--All Whites 100% liquid egg whites, 0.33 cup ⊗

40

1

0

8

LUNCH TOTALS:

100

7

0

15

Dinner

Extra Virgin Olive Oil, 0.17 tbsp ⊗

20

0

2

0

Broccoli, fresh, 1 cup, chopped ⊗

25

5

0

3

Cauliflower, raw, 1 cup ⊗

25

5

0

2

No Name Salmon Filet, 1 serving ⊗

270

2

19

25

DINNER TOTALS:

340

12

22

30

Snack

Optimum Nutrition 100% Whey Protein - Vanilla Ice Cream, 1 serving ⊗

120

3

1

24

SNACK TOTALS:

120

3

1

24

Running Fuel

RUNNING FUEL TOTALS:

0

0

0

0

Second Lunch

Cheese - Dean's Small Curd Cottage Cheese 1%, 0.5 cup ⊗

90

5

2

13

Quest Bar - Chocolate Brownie (1 bar), 1 serving ⊗

170

24

6

20

SECOND LUNCH TOTALS:

260

29

8

33

Let's get real, shall we?

Three weeks out.

Actually, make that twenty days.  Twenty days until I drive a really long way, squeeze into a really tiny bikini, and walk on a really bright stage in really high heels and try not to make a really big ass out of myself.  Piece of cake, right?

I forgot to update last week... kind of.  Truthfully, I had a lot to say at four weeks out, but I just didn't want to write about it.  I ran into this problem with my old blog: sometimes, I wish I hadn't told any "real life friends" about it (I did tell a whole three people), because openness and candor comes easier with anonymity, especially with this experience.

I feel like I have to put on this happy front about the show and make sure to not talk about it too much, and it's hard when it's so all-encompassing.  I remember when I started running and I would spend hours looking at pace calculators, course elevation maps, reading first marathon blogs... and I was lucky enough to have friends in my life that were also new to the sport and wanted to delve into every detail of every aspect of every race.  And it was lovely.

This competition is dare I say bigger and more pervasive in every aspect of my life... exponentially moreso than a race ever was.  Even the big ones.  It's not better, or a bigger accomplishment, it's just more involved.  With running I had to hit my long runs and try to get in mid-week mileage and research research research, and it was a lot.  I obsessed over the details.  

With this prep, I plan out every tiny bit of food that I eat, my workout schedules, progressions, supplements, posing.  It's pleasurable, for the most part, but it is on my mind, 24/7.  I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about my macros man.. it's nuts.

But anyway, sometimes it's super, super tough.  Truth be told I have almost said fuck it several times in the past few weeks.  I've been hungry, moody, embarrassed, unsure, and completely unable to recall one reason why I started this in the first place.  And unlike with running, I have almost no one saying "don't quit now dummy!"  And possibly worse, I have even less people to whine to, and to those that people person, I apologize.  No one likes a whiny facebook friend.  :)

Over the past few days, I've done some deep thinking about it, and I've decided to go ahead and do the show.  I haven't signed up yet, but I will tomorrow.  I remember why I wanted to do it amidst the thirty reasons I don't want to do it.

1. To push my body to a place it has never been and likely will never be again.
2. To experience a culture I've always looked in on with a mixture of curiosity, disdain, and admiration.  
3. To say I found something that genuinely scared me and that I did it anyway.  That sounds cheesy as fuck.  Sorry about that.
4. Finally, and most importantly, there have got to be some funny fucking stories that come out of gluing a sparkly bikini precariously close to my b-crack, and frankly, I'm becoming a bit dull at parties in my old age and need a few self-deprecating tidbits to add to my repertoire.  

Stay tuned for an actual weekly update here... it's coming, complete with progress pics.  Sigh.

Five Weeks Out!

Ahhh!!!! It's really more like four and a half weeks... I'm slacking on the posts.

Highlights of the Week

• Got my stripper shoes



Pretty standard hoor stuff here guys.

• Started making my suit sparkly - I'll put up some pretty pictures on my next post. 

• Booked tanning - There isn't onsite tanning at this show, which I hear is unusual, and apparently worrisome because it means no morning-of touch-ups.  Apparently, you get sprayed the night before, spend all night trying not to sweat or drool in your sleep, and wake up looking like a zombie with your skin peeling off.  That's what the morning touch-up is for, and we don't have it.  So I bought some spray Pro-Tan and I guess we will hope for the best.  

• Booked posing clinic - Ohhh I'm terrified for this.  I have to walk in front of a bunch of super hot super fit girls with a professional critiquing my just popped-outta-my-mom baby deer walk.  It should be joyous.

Bod Progress: B+

I'm feeling really good about the leaning out process.. I even have mayyybe a six pack?  Maybe?  Lying down, morning dehydrated?  Totally counts.

Mental Check-In:  A

I feel super great man.  I'm excited, I'm focused.  Someone said to me "You've been working so hard at this"... I have to be honest here.  I'm not really.  I'm following a different diet, and that's about it.  I love training, the diet is fun, even the posing and and girly stuff is fun.  I wish the show was here already.. mostly because I am realllly looking forward to a big fatty meal and a few stiff gin and seltzers.

Training: B+

The stair mill is the devil.  I'm really not doing much other cardio - just my usual running.  I may have to step up my game here in the next couple of weeks.

Diet: A

Started carb-cycling this week and it's pretty cool.  On my low carb days I eat somewhere between 40-80 carbs (which is how I normally eat and my body likes), and on high carb days I shoot for significantly more.  I eat the exact same things but throw in a half of a sweet potato or berries with most of my meals. I do two normal days and one high carb day...  man this blog is fascinating isn't it?

**** Welp, I forgot to post this earlier, so tomorrow is actually FOUR WEEKS OUT.  Whoa.  Be prepared for some #swellfies and pictures of my sparkly ass threads.***

Six Weeks Out

Hey-o.  Six weeks til this shit.

My damn scale broke so I'm flying blind.  It's so weird to not be able to weigh myself... I do every morning regardless of cutting, bulking, binge-drinking... you know, whatever fitness phase I'm in.

Highlights of this week:

• Found a suit:  

But where's the butt part? 

My girl SJ is hooking me up with a suit she purchased but didn't wear.  All I need to do is purchase connectors for the top, and make it all rhinestony so I can blind the judges before they see my ass cheeks flapping around on stage.    Bwahahaha....

Look at that fat a-.... ooh look!  Shiny!

I'm just gonna be straight up here.  That suit.  It's tiny.  And apparently I have to take the strings off and replace them with rhinestone connector pieces... for on the hips, between the sweater puppets.. I have no idea.  And then I have to bejewel the shit out of it, and man, I am just not super creative.  Or crafty.  Or fully coming to terms with me wearing that on a stage.

• Ordered stripper shoes:  Don't wanna discuss it.  They're five inches tall. They are clear plastic.  Say it with me.  I am an athlete.  I am not a stripper.  

I can only hope this guy is backstage.

• Started practicing the posing:  This shit is difficult!  I am not joking!  Try to stand with your hips facing one way and your shoulders facing forward.  It's like the worst yoga twist ever.  In five inch heels.  It does make your waist look small and your ass look bangin' though.  And your shoulders look extra manlike apparently.  

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.. hold it... my back is gonna snap

I have a ton more practicing to do.  Like walking, and turning, and back posing... oh my.

• Booked hairstylist/make-up person:  My cousin Shannon hooked me up with a girl that does some of the local competitors hair and make-up, and she took me on!  Best part, it's about half what I thought I'd pay.  Winner winner chicken dinner.

So this will be the format of my weekly check-in.. with 

an arbitrary letter grading system.  I'm a sucker for judgement, clearly.  

Bod Progress:  B  

Things are looking up a bit.  Been cutting for a week and am noticing some new ab lines and a little in my shoulders.  I'm feeling pretty strong in the gym and like I'm not losing any muscle.. yet.  My big concern is leaning out, especially in my stomach and lower bod, but really all over.  Not freaking out, I know I have time, and I'm appreciating the muscles while they still look big.  

I am all that is man...

Mental Check-In:  B+

Aside from my little meltdown earlier this week, I'm feeling fine.  I'm pretty lighthearted about this whole thing, and am finding a lot of humor in what I'm learning.  The diet isn't killing me yet, but today being up for a million hours coupled with PMS has left me a raging snack monster.  

Training: A-

Good things, good things.  In the gym, doing the same thing I always do.  I need to start adding a little more cardio probably, butttt.. I'm a runner, and runners don't do "cardio".  We shall see.  

Diet: A

It's going so well man.  Hitting calories and macros perfectly.  Not feeling deprived.  No real treats to speak of.   Could super go for a beer though.  

NUTRIENTS:	GOAL	SUN 8/17	MON 8/18	TUE 8/19	WED 8/20	THU 8/21	FRI 8/22	TODAY
Calories	1,200 - 1,600	-	-	1,242	1,179	1,311	1,274	1,200
Fat	40 - 70g	-	-	39	45	33	40	41
Carbohydrates	50 - 70g	-	-	97	91	105	121	65
Protein	110 - 130g	-	-	128	107	142	129	140

That's all she wrote, folks.

Day 3.. Almost Six Weeks Out

Good evening lovelies.

This day started off with the scale cooperating just a bit more.

I really don't care what my weight is, but it's a decent way for me to track progress over the next few weeks.. especially since I am horrible at using the mirror as a guide.

Which leads me to:

Bikini Contest Prep Freakout #1

It happened.  I had a little meltdown.  I took some pics of the ol' bod... like actual ones with a real camera and a timer.. not perfectly flexed great lighting bathroom mirror #swellfies... and I almost cried.

I just want to put a huge disclaimer out there in case anyone reads this that does not know me, but I have pretty good bod confidence.  I have stretch marks and small boobs and a pretty sizeable ass, and I'm down with it.  I just had a vacation where I wore a two-piece for the first time and paraded around that momma tummy to all my friends and seriously, nobody batted an eyelash and I felt totally comfortable.

Soooo... I don't want anything thinking I'm bagging on the bod.  I'm not.  I'm just freaked out because I don't believe in six weeks my bod can look like other girls up on stage.

I called in the reinforcements... A, my buddy and fellow competitor who will be competing in physique at the same show as me.  And SJ, the only girl bro I can talk about bench maxes and macros and supps with.  And tiny vag-hugging bikinis.  Anyway.  I sent them the pics, and... meh.  I got pretty hesitant "You can do it bro"s mixed with some nice pep talks and specific critiques.

Face blotted out because resting bitch face was on in full force.

I don't know.  I'm holding of from registering for two weeks to see if I can get down to a degree of leanness I feel comfy with.  It's really, really hard to judge your own physique.  And harder to decipher what your buds are really trying to tell you.

I'll admit, it was a low point... but, I also got teary during my kids' 4-k orientation, and I'm PMSing, and I haven't been sleeping well.. so I'm going to chalk it up to a bad day and not make any rash decisions.

High point of the day:  I was low on my calories nearing bedtime, so I went with a craving and ate a piece of toast with melted provolone on it.  And god damn if it wasn't the tastiest thing I could have put in my face hole.

Cheese cheese cheesy cheese

I also had glorious morning abs this morning haha.  Not much, but it's a start.

six am bed face...

Super fast:  

Training:  

• One mile attempted run with kids.  They were loving it but there was a giant tractor on the track and I didn't want my children to get smooshed for the sake of cardio.
• Shoulder wkt focus on heavy presses. 
•  4 x 400 intervals on treadmill with 400 m recovery of fast walk at 13% incline.  (don't judge me runner buds).

Foodstuff:  Was spot the fuck on today.  Super satisfied all day.  Little low on fats but I snagged a glorious looking avocado today that's going in my belly tomorrow.

Night night time.

Day 2

I'm not really going to post updates every day... but lucky for you you get a back-to-back... ;)

Most notable thing about day two... feeling pretty good when I woke up, felt pretty lean and strong and energized, hopped on the scale.  Yesterday... 119 lbs.  Today....

What in the fuck.  

 Oddly enough, it actually made me feel better... I have been super scared the past few weeks as I've been thinking about competing that I don't have enough muscle, and for whatever reason, starting this cut at a higher weight gives me more confidence.    


On the note of confidence, mine is rapidly slipping that I'm not going to look like Jabba-the-Hut compared to these other girls... six weeks man.  I've been obsessively looking for photos of other girls six weeks out, and I feel super behind the curve here.  This week I'll suck it up and post some of my own six week out pictures and hopefully we'll all be shocked at my spectacular transformation come show day.  Ha.

I ate all the same schtuff as yesterday, minus the snacks, so I had enough calories left at the end of the day for this little morsel of heaven.

Hom nom nom nom

It says "Protein Bar".  It's not, it's a chocolate covered granola bar with clever marketing....

Got in some good workouts.. A great leg day, kick sets in the pool, and a fun HIIT bootcamp workout with two good friends.

In other exciting news (please, stop calling me to tell me how exciting this blog is), I think I'm squared away on a competition suit.  I'll post all the details soon...

Have a lovely day!